FEDS URGE PARENTS TO "TURN THE TABLES ON TEEN TERROR THREAT"

 

The world is sleeping a little easier now that the threat of an Iraq Attack has been greatly reduced. Still, as thedetroiter.com's Scott Ligon reports, there are plenty of reasons to leave the nightlight on.

A Message to America's Parents from the Department of Homeland Security

No parent wants to believe that their child is a terrorist, but the fact is that when terrorist organizations are looking for new members impressionable American teenagers are often the first to be targeted. Of course, your child won't tell you, "I'm a terrorist now, and I hate America", because terrorist organizations train their recruits to keep their terrorist activities carefully hidden. So how can you tell if your teenager is a terrorist?

As parents, you need to be on the lookout for an overall pattern of strange, secretive behavior in your teenage children. Do they keep the door to their room closed at all times, or seem overly concerned with privacy? Are they on the phone constantly, but won't say who they're talking to or what they're talking about? When they go out, do they lie about where they are going, or stay out way too late? If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, it is your duty as a parent and a citizen to take immediate action by reporting your teenager to the Department of Homeland Security.

To assist you, the Department has launched the RATT Initiative. RATT stands for "Redeeming America's Teenage Terrorists" - and that's exactly what we intend to do. Your suspected teenage terrorist will be taken in for questioning and, if it is determined that they pose a threat to national security, they will be sent to an internment camp where they will undergo a rigorous, yet compassionate, re-education program. The camps will not be places of torture and torment, but safe havens where your teenage terrorist will no longer fall under the sway of the foreign evildoers and freedom haters who have brainwashed them and turned them against America.

Our intent is not to harm your teenage terrorist, but rather to teach them to love their country again. Rest assured, after America has won the War on Terror, your reformed teenage terrorist will be returned home safely to your care. It won't be easy, but with your cooperation, we can transform your teenage terrorist into a patriotic citizen. However, those who refuse to cooperate should pay close attention to this warning: We will make no distinction between the terrorists and those who harbor them. Homeland security begins at home, and you can do your part by making sure that you don't have terrorists living under your own roof.