The world is sleeping a little easier now that the threat of an
Iraq Attack has been greatly reduced. Still, as thedetroiter.com's Scott
Ligon reports, there are plenty of reasons to leave the nightlight
A Message to America's Parents from the Department of Homeland Security
No parent wants to believe that their child is a terrorist, but the
fact is that when terrorist organizations are looking for new members
impressionable American teenagers are often the first to be targeted.
Of course, your child won't tell you, "I'm a terrorist now, and
I hate America", because terrorist organizations train their recruits
to keep their terrorist activities carefully hidden. So how can you
tell if your teenager is a terrorist?
parents, you need to be on the lookout for an overall pattern of strange,
secretive behavior in your teenage children. Do they keep the door to
their room closed at all times, or seem overly concerned with privacy?
Are they on the phone constantly, but won't say who they're talking
to or what they're talking about? When they go out, do they lie about
where they are going, or stay out way too late? If you answered 'yes'
to any of these questions, it is your duty as a parent and a citizen
to take immediate action by reporting your teenager to the Department
of Homeland Security.
To assist you, the Department has launched the RATT Initiative. RATT
stands for "Redeeming America's Teenage Terrorists" - and
that's exactly what we intend to do. Your suspected teenage terrorist
will be taken in for questioning and, if it is determined that they
pose a threat to national security, they will be sent to an internment
camp where they will undergo a rigorous, yet compassionate, re-education
program. The camps will not be places of torture and torment, but safe
havens where your teenage terrorist will no longer fall under the sway
of the foreign evildoers and freedom haters who have brainwashed them
and turned them against America.
intent is not to harm your teenage terrorist, but rather to teach them
to love their country again. Rest assured, after America has won the
War on Terror, your reformed teenage terrorist will be returned home
safely to your care. It won't be easy, but with your cooperation, we
can transform your teenage terrorist into a patriotic citizen. However,
those who refuse to cooperate should pay close attention to this warning:
We will make no distinction between the terrorists and those who harbor
them. Homeland security begins at home, and you can do your part by
making sure that you don't have terrorists living under your own roof.